It's what is.

Well,  the week started off great since our friend April and her 5 year old landed in Redmond on Saturday. It was our very first child visit ever! And I have to say, I think we rocked it.  They were champs for ensuring all the travel, Mckenzie was very good after getting over the initial excitement, and we had a blast together.  I will say, we are exhausted after only 3.5 days,  so mad props to all you parents once again!

Posted with permission!

I had a pulmonologist appointment on Monday and gratefully, he said everything looks and sounds good (from his perspective) and I don’t have to see him again for 6 whole months! He does want me to make sure I tell him when I get the next CT scan in January, which I certainly will. That will tell us if my fancy new vibration vest is working. That is to keep the buildup from happening in my lungs and I use it twice per day for 30 minutes each! It’s quite a commitment.

Since our friends left on Wednesday, everything has been rocky.

One new ‘interesting’ medical thing popped up. My right breast is suddenly bigger than a the left. I have left messages for two doctors but haven’t heard back yet. I am not sure if I need to be terribly worried about it, but I had a normal mammogram this year so I’m just assuming not and that it’s a hormone issue. sigh. We shall see.

I found out that my cobra plan is changing carriers and is going up another $200/month. It’s now $1100/month! That is completely absurd. I made a spreadsheet and am reevaluating everything now. On a positive note, my boss thinks that my contract is going to be renewed for a year, so that would make the insurance that is available through the contracting company a bit more reasonable since it would go through November of next year. We shall see. My brain short circuits after thinking about that for so long because it’s just fucking horrible that the healthcare in this country is so broken. Ugh, it makes me really sad.

Speaking of which, my official denial came in from disability. sigh (sighing has been happening a lot lately!). I wasn’t counting on that, but was certainly hopeful. I won’t even know why until the snail mail letter comes

Nonetheless this gives us more data points to decide what we’re doing with our lives. We know disability is out, we found out the lease on the Austin house is renewed through Jan 2026 (thank goodness), and my contract is a year. We also talked to our realtor here and looked up the rules for getting McKenzie across the border. These are all helpful data points as we determine what’s next. We are pretty sure nothing is going to happen until February at the earliest.

Mckenzie headbutted me in the jaw at her agility class. Ironic,  I know. I have a serious bruise on my jaw now🙄. Interestingly it kind of looks like a stubbornheart!

We also got a call today that the hot water heater went out in Austin. Poor guy, I hope it’s taken care of asap as we approved the bid as soon as we got it, but that is also $1200 we weren’t prepared for. Adulting is stupid!

Some good things are happening too. I now have two active voluntees (what I’ve decided to call them) with the hospice care and I’m liking it. It definitely takes some extra bravery and an open heart, and I love spending time with them and knowing that I’m helping. I also started a writing class! It’s geared toward essays, and I’m quite inspired after just the first class. I don’t expect to make money from writing, but I look forward to getting feedback and improving because I enjoy doing this.

My therapist said I am starting to choose things that bring me fulfillment instead of ‘self improvement’ and I have to agree with her. I like that distinction.

So that’s what is in world. It’s quite groundless, and sometimes that can take me away from myself and to a dark place for a few minutes, but I’m getting better at snapping back. Reminding myself that I’m here, in this moment, and we’re safe. We arrived home from (a cold but gorgeous) camping spot a few hours ago, I’m sitting in my heating blanket while Jeremy is cooking all the vegetables I chopped previously and some delicious-smelling chicken, Mckenzie is mad we haven’t given her dinner 20 minutes early, and I’m safe. I’m restored from the river and nature, and I’m writing to you fine people that have held us up and got us through worse.

In this moment, we are safe.