What's next

It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it. -Lou Holtz

We’ve been waiting with anxious anticipation for today’s endocrinologist appointment. Nerves were high.

All the organizing, coordinating, communicating herding, arguing, paperwork sending, etc that I had to do for the last 4 months (year and an half) have been focused on the surgery(ies). I never thought to ask what came afterwards!

I went in with the belief that the worst possible scenario was more radioactive iodine. Which I don’t want since a higher dose could have implications on other parts of my body (lungs – which you all know I don’t need any other issues with).

Luckily we survived fairly unscathed.

Because there’s more waiting. Of course.

After the appointment I had bloodwork done, which, she explained, would be the determining factor in next steps.

Option #1

The bloodwork looks good and my tumor markers are lower than 15 (what it was last time when they realized I still had cancer), then the only next steps are regular bloodwork and imaging (thyroid ultrasounds and chest CT scans).

Option #2

The bloodwork shows a tumor marker higher than 15 meaning they will have to do more tests because somewhere cancer still exists in me, even if it’s microscopic. We’d probably do another full body scan or PET scan (I’m still confused at the difference frankly, but apparently there is one). IF we were to need to do radioactive iodine again, it wouldn’t be for a while. She reiterated that the dose I had was high and we’d all like to avoid that.

Obviously, the first option is my preference.

So we wait on that. The other determining factors are the path report and molecular testing that was done on the tissue the robot extracted from my sternum. I got path report today via mychart, but it’s not really in English so I have to wait for someone to call me. The hope is that my endo gets the bloodwork results by eod tomorrow because otherwise I have to wait until Monday cause she’s off Friday. Sigh.

Otherwise, I’m doing ok. I still have a bit of a gray cloud of unknown hovering over me, but I’m moving through the motions of the day as present as possible. I’m trying to enjoy the sun and the neat ways the clouds have looked here recently. I’m just unmotivated and feeling a bit purposeless. Maybe the last year and half of pent up energy just needs to drain out of me. I wish I could just push a button and feel like myself again, but I know that whatever this experience transforms me into will be a more expansive version of myself.

Growth comes in all kinds of forms, I just have to be patient.

On a positive note,  I took Zie to a waterfall by the house today after work. And my replacement ring came!