Embrace the mess

Dear friends, ask the hard questions. Give thanks for uncertainty. Trust yourself. Lean into the wisdom of community.  Don’t take yourself too seriously.  Know that the arc is long. Lean on the ancestors. Ask the creatures for advice. Follow the wind. Know that there is no right way.  Trust others on their path. Find yours. Embrace the mess. Give your life to a holy, undeniable “Yes!” Whatever that yes may be. And know, that this “had to happen.”  How lucky we are to be alive! 

Lydia Wylie-Kellermann

Good news.  My doctor said this about the path report:

Nothing concerning that we did not already expect. One lymph node showed metastatic disease but none of the other 12 they took out did. The BRAF mutation was negative which is not a bad thing (typically indicates higher risk for aggressive disease). Overall no change to our game plan for now based on these results.

Then the blood work.

My thyroglobulin was 7.5! This is what we needed to be lower than 15. Hooray! This is a good sign.

My TSH was 0.007. Frankly I forget what that is supposed to be but that is fine and we are keeping my thyroid replacement at the same dose.

Definitely a sigh of relief, though not out of the woods yet.  I have to get the same blood work in a month to ensure that it is still decreasing.

I also just had a pulmonologist appt and he said I sound good but my last xray still had some crud in it that he wants to ensure clears up. I need another way in a month.

Luckily both of these things are pretty easy and I just have to realize that there is always going to be something looming in the future.

He told me I was an inspiration and the strongest person he knew.

I’m sitting here now trying not to cry because I often feel like i’m at the end of my rope.  I’m trying so hard.  Our dryer broke earlier this week. 

It always cracks me up how I can handle cancer like a champ but this kind of regular life shit just sends me into a spiral.  Alas, we’re trying to figure out where we can get the part we need.

Luckily I don’t go anywhere and don’t care if I smell.  One day at a time.