The plot thickens

I can’t even believe I am writing this post.   I think I’ve said that before, but I promise you this is weirder…

 I’m at the farmers market where a band is playing. My endo calls. 

“The results of the cat scan are in, is now a good time to talk.” [You learned last time, loyal reader, that it is never, ever, good news.] 

“No, but I need to know now because you called.”

“I figured.” she replies.

“The ct scan shows THE SAME mediastinal mass that was in my chest BEFORE the surgery.”.

there is nothing to say, besides, WTF.

I had surgery. They took out 16 lymph nodes.

16 LYMPH NODES!  (I didn’t confirm this and my brain hurts so it may have been 14 but that’s not the point)

What did they take out of me?!

I did not have some backwoods doctor (not that there’s anything wrong with backwoods).  He was a renowned surgeon in one of the best cancer facilities in the country!

What.the.hell. what the hell? WHAT THE HELL?

There has to be an explanation.  There has to.  It was 0.1mm smaller than before the surgery and in the exact same place.  DId it grow back spontaneously?  Maybe it’s a supermutant malignant mass*! [*trademark in progress]

So now, radioactive iodine is out.  It’s not going to work.  

It’s either that I have THE SAME FUCKING SURGERY AGAIN

or I take that mutation-specific pill for a while.

My endo is actually being really supportive with this. She talked to the oncologist today (she reached out to him!) and was going to call the surgeon in CA after we got off the phone (at 4:30pm on a Friday!).  She also talked to me for a long time and let me spazz in all the ways I needed to and offered to talk to Jeremy if he needed.  Mad props to her that couldn’t have been a fun Friday for her either (which I apologized to her for). Sigh.

So next steps are that she reaches out to the surgeon at city of hope. She is sending all the images and results to my oncologist at OHSU and I have an appt with him next Friday morning.   We wait to hear from the surgeon.

I remember at my post op, when I was walking out the door he said, “I hope I never see you again.”

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

There has to be an explanation. There has to.