New Shapes.

Resilience isn’t really about returning back to the way you were before, but is much more about reclaiming whatever new shape your form has taken. A resilience that doesn’t really ask us to forget, but that carries the memory of whatever harm or whatever fire we’ve been through. —Cole Arthur Riley

I will say the energy of overwhelm in our household is very, very high. Jeremy trying to balance both jobs, me trying to balance the new job with all the other things, the dog had her spay surgery, blahblahblahblah.

We have so many balls, plates, etc in the air that I know that something is going to drop; probably a few of them. Hopefully they are all balls and they bounce!

For example, the other day I went to home depot with a full costco run in my trunk. When I came out of the store (which took forever cause I was waiting for them to mix paint), my drivers side door was open. Not just unlocked, but WIDE open. I am elated to report that nothing was touched and everything was still there. People are good. They probably also thought “that person is having a terrible day.” LOL I am grateful that that one bounced, and I am working on being kind to myself.

Alas, the details I have at this point are:

• July 31st – fly to California

• Aug 1 – preop with surgeon and appointment with anesthesiologist

• Aug 2 – surgery day!

• Aug 2-3 – stay in hospital

• Aug 3-8 – stay in hotel in CA

• Aug 8 – post op with surgeon

• Aug 9 – return home to Oregon

Whew. I don’t really have many details about the surgery itself or my recovery, but I am hopeful it’s far less extensive than the last one. The surgeon did say they will use a robot arm and go through my left rib and remove that last cancerous lymph node. He also said it was low risk, so fingers crossed. I am still curious how long I have to wait to work out, but I have rebuilt myself twice so I am sure I can do it again!

I am almost two weeks into my new job! I am working to acclimate to using my brain all day again, but so far it’s going well and all the people are very nice. Yesterday, I let my team know about this upcoming procedure and they were super supportive, I couldn’t have asked for a better response. I was very nervous about it, but I feel very grateful. Since it’s only a contract position, I still haven’t solved the insurance issue, but I’m thinking it will be cheaper to pay for cobra than start over with a new deductible for 3 months. I will cross that bridge when I get there, I am just so happy that the surgery is going to happen in time.

Lastly for today, I want to invite you all to listen to this beautiful story. Warning: it’s not easy and you will likely have a lot of big feelings, but it so gorgeously explains the beauty and balance between joy and sorrow. I truly believe that life’s struggles serve a large purpose in teaching us about mortality (providing a view into what is truly important) and gratitude (which is really what it’s all about). It’s not about ‘getting through’ the struggle, it IS all part of life, and I want to find the joy in those struggles as well. [And I love Samin Nosrat!]

It’s important to hug your family and tell them you love them. Don’t take that for granted! Despite the swirl that we are currently swimming in, I still fill out my gratitude journal every day and try to laugh, look at the sky, and be kind. I resonated so deeply with that podcast, and really hope you enjoy it as well.