The Liminal Space

In this time of so much uncertainty for us, I’m continuing making ‘progress’ on my two goals: rest and exploration. I’m allowing myself time to just rest and read while continuing to take time to explore all of my options. I had given myself March, but as April quickly approaches, I do not yet feel rested.

Medically, not much is happening. I’m getting blood work for autoimmune on Monday to see if those levels evened out or if it could be related. I get blood work in another week and a half for the cancer to check my thyroid levels and tumor markers. That is 6 weeks after my dose change. Fingers crossed these things trend in the right direction.

I had an eye and ENT appointment, trying to get everything in before I lose this insurance. The ENT doctor had me get a catscan of my head to understand the state of my ears and why they hurt all the time. They are already thinking (another) surgery is necessary but I let him know that was not happening this year. My poor body has been through enough. I know I’m never going to hear normally, I just want a solution to ease the constant ringing and ache (Jeremy informed me that there were not, in fact, any cicadas here the last time we went camping after I made a comment about how loud they were. It’s just my head ringing!)

My cough started to get better, but because we’re having the inside of house painted (thank goodness, it looks SO much better), it has returned with a vengeance from the fumes. Jeremy came back from his last shift in the woods, with Covid. So that has been interesting. as we sit on separate sides of the house, masked, and I hack consistently and he’s got some sniffles.

I have also made it a point to find and remember the joy in each day. The last weekend Jeremy was home, we went camping in the ‘Painted Hills’ and even though we had been there previously, it was again mind-blowingly beautiful. Mature had even been sending me some stubbornhearts along the way!

Last weekend, when he was away, I took a welding class! It was completely amazing and I loved it. It’s on the list of possible career opportunities.

Then, I put on my big girl gutchies and took a road trip on my own to visit a friend and family up by Seattle. It was good for my confidence to do something like that alone again after a long time. It was good for my heart to be in a new place and reconnect my friends and my Aunt, cousin and her family. I also ate my way through Seattle in the half day I was there, which was delicious. Mt St. Helen even peaked out through the clouds, just a bit!

As we try to navigate through the ‘what’s next’ aspect of this life, I’m continuing to try to keep my eyes, ears and heart open. Got any ideas for me? Send them my way, I’m listening.