The edge

I hit my edge today yall. I haven’t lost it in a long time the way that I did this morning.

I feel better now,  so I’m grateful.  I let the tear roll out of me the way they needed to, but geezus it was painful.

Jeremy left in the morning Wednesday,  and then later that night,  I got home from errands and appointments around 630.

<tmi alert>

Out of nowhere, I had pain and intense burning and started peeing blood. A LOT of blood.

I was pretty freaked out,  but I refused to go to the ER again this year so figured I’d go to bed and see how it was in the morning.

I had some crazy dreams but actually slept.  I wasn’t in as much pain in the morning, but my urine was still bloody.  I jogged on the treadmill cause I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. When I finished, I came back in the house and one of the fire alarms was chirping to that high pitch nonsense to tell me the battery was dying and sending my nervous system into a tizzy.

That was the last straw.  I had to run around the house with a bar stool chair trying to figure out which alarm it was… and that broke me.

I’ve been pretty good at maintaining sanity through this whole thing, but being alone and having navigate all of this on top of a fucking chirping fire alarm as a short girl was the end.

I yelled and cried it out. I think I needed that.

Alas I saw the doctor and she ran some tests. We’re still waiting on some results, but there’s no infection that they can tell, so she thinks I had a kidney stone! sigh.

I don’t know why all this stuff happens as soon as Jeremy leaves. There’s nothing he coul have done (other than deal with the fire alarm), but it just feels harder.

So, if anyone wants to visit in the next few months, come!

I know it’s expensive to fly into Redmond, but if you time and the ability I would LOVE to have people come out the weeks/weekends that Jeremy is gone. We have our guest room mostly set up now and you’ll have space to work if you can do that.

The surgery planning is swirling in a circle, so I don’t foresee that happening until end of Oct/early November at this point. I’ve had people offer to come for that, but this time in limbo sucks way more.

In the mean time, thanks for all the support. Even if you can’t come out, the cards, texts and zooms have been keeping me going.

I’ll keep you updated for sure as soon as I do get a surgery date.