Wanted: Calendar Assistant

It’s been a hell of a week, y’all. And because of that, this one is longer than usual (sorry not sorry).

I’m tired of emoting.

I’m exhausted from riding my own rollercoaster of emotions which has gone off the rails and is running amok through my body and household.

Sigh.

The strangest part is that it’s not the cancer that’s most bothersome.

It’s the frustration of the administration of this nonsense. It set in, and I was grieving the knowing that this is gonna be another very. long. journey.

I do get to a point of acceptance each day, but the nights are a different story. Nighttime also has had a mind of its own and is running amok in my brain. It all comes rushing back when I wake up and sends a whoosh of doomy sensation through my body. Then, I’m awake. And ruminating.

It’s been devastating.

Gratefully, I’m on the up. I think we both are.

We allowed ourselves the weekend to wallow and feel all the bullshit and let it out in whatever crazy way it needed to come out. Now it’s time to step up out of this hole at least enough to manage myself and this journey with every speck of grace I can muster (and then some).

The plan is complicated, but it’s starting to take shape, which for me, is a plus.

The things I need right now are:

• A catscan with contrast

• EBUS (Endobronchial Ultrasound (EBUS))

There are two options for getting these things

1. Local DR orders the tests locally- ideal, but communicating with them and their staff has been filled with difficulty and unnecessary strife that I am completely over dealing with already.

I have made it, however, through the most difficult part and have the office visit with the Dr who does the ebus (pulmonologst) on Friday. After that visit, I can hopefully schedule the procedure (but I don’t know how far out that will be). The CT scan is on Sunday.

2. I fly to LA to get the tests done- they are much nicer and willing to help while also working together to schedule everything. Also the best option for the surgeries as they are world renowned. Downside: that’s gonna be on my own dime.

Currently both of these tests are scheduled for October 16th, which I’m keeping on the off chance things here take forever.

In addition, just to ensure I have something semi- local to fall back on incase my work will only pay for the one surgery in LA (and just for another second opinion), I have an appointment with the surgeon at OHSU in Portland on October 18th.

In the end, I basically wrote this blog so yall can help me keep track of this goddamn puzzle of a schedule. 😁

Thanks so much to all the people that have sent cards, emails, texts and everything throughout this journey. I appreciate them deeply and they help me keep my heart open.

I’m also very grateful for the woman who went above and beyond to get me scheduled before my work trip next week. I don’t have to go, and I know that, but really want to try to do it all if I can without extending myself. Anyway, after being on the phone today for hours, this woman squeezed me into an opening and told me they were going to take care of me.

I tell you, these things all matter.

Be kind to each other.

In other news, I pulled the cancer card on a telemarketer the other day. That was kinda fun. 😇