Stubbornheart and thyroid.

Hi friends

I wrote this to you from a hammock in northern Colorado on day 2 of a meditation retreat. Surprisingly,  it was my first group retreat ever. It’s now a few days later and I have service to publish.

I’ve been studying with my (incredible) teacher for about 4 years now,  yet due to covid and general life,  I haven’t been able to go on a retreat. Now is the time. And I will tell you,  now is the most perfect time. 

It seems the universe has more to teach me,  and I hope to soak in the lessons with as much ease and grace allowable.

Waiting,  per usual,  to find out what the lessons are is usually harder than anything. Yet what else can we do? Patience is a virtue,  as they say.

A couple weeks ago, while at the post office tracking a lost package,  I got the call from the doctor that I have papillary thyroid cancer. <Never a dull moment!>

The good news: it is apparently the cancer that you want to have, if you’re going to have cancer.  It’s highly treatable,  less invasive,  and has the highest rate of survival.   I’ve been practicing saying,’I have cancer’ in the mirror and I can now say it confidently and without sobbing.

Progress. Acceptance.

The bad news, it has definitely spread to my lymph nodes and possibly down into my chest.  [I will have a cat scan to determine that next week.]  And, as you can guess,  my history makes treatment a bit more complicated.

Next steps are the catscan, and then surgery in the next month or two to have my thyroid removed is a definite. The results of the scan and what they see in surgery will determine what comes next.

So,  one step at a time. As my teacher reminded us in retreat,  everything that we encounter in our life is here FOR us, and I know this to be true.  The autoimmune changed me for the better in so many ways, I often say it might be the best thing that could have happened to me. I trust that this will be the same.

Jeremy is still by my side 100%, which I am forever grateful for.  He is my biggest concern in this whole ordeal,  so please send him hugs and love.

I know I can lean on you all for care and support, so that is exactly what I am doing through this post instead of holding everything in. As I said,  I learned a lot in that previous experience.

I do not plan to fight this. I most certainly will have the surgery and do what I need to take care of myself, but I’m done fighting. I hope to work with it to provide what my body needs… and listen.

It’s early in this journey, so I won’t have much to report until I can get the test results and book the surgery,  but I will keep you updated.

I’m not sure yet what you all can do from afar, but I’ll accept all the texts, emails, healing thoughts and prayers, and wishes you’re willing to send. To me, yes, but mainly to Jeremy. He is in a harder position here.

Oh, and we have a new address now, one that’s a bit more permanent! 755 NE Negus Place; Redmond, OR 97756.

We miss you all and still want visitors, so start booking your flights! 😀

Here are some photos from retreat.

The Great Stupa of Dharmakaya

I go to refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha.